Written by: Randy Adams
“Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times, I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
This passage has special meaning for me. There were, and still are, times when I feel overwhelmed by life. Times when I feel weak, consumed by anxiety, fear, and depression. Times when my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health are suffering and I feel hopeless, helpless, and all alone. From a young age to now, I’ve struggled with overwhelming emotions. Often battling poor self-esteem, low confidence, and feelings of inadequacy and failure. And Satan, being Satan, takes advantage of these times and increases his attacks against me. He throws his lies, accusations, and condemnation at me. He takes advantage of my times of weakness, which only exacerbates the situation, causing me to second-guess myself in all areas of my life and chipping away at my joy and peace. He shouts loudly, throwing my flaws and failings in my face, which, because I allow it, drives me into deeper depression. And so the vicious cycle spins out of control, and I end up doing most of the devil’s work for him.
In my late teens, my depression worsened to the point where I picked up a pistol, pointed it at my head, cocked the hammer back, and began to pull the trigger. That’s when my life was forever changed. At that moment, when I was about to complete my suicide, I heard God’s voice, whether audibly or only in my soul, I don’t know, but I heard it nonetheless. It was clear and unmistakable. He said to me, “Randy, put the gun down. I am not finished with you. I have a plan for your life, and this is not it.” So I put the pistol down and started weeping, pouring out to God all my pain. I felt Him listening, and I felt His love and comfort.
God saved my life that day and many times since. Over the years, I’ve been blessed to have heard God’s voice, had dreams, and experienced visions from Him. I’ve experienced Him in powerful, even supernatural ways. Yet life is still difficult. I still battle what, at the moment, feels like overwhelming, almost unbearable feelings of mental, physical, and spiritual pain. But it’s at those moments that God reminds me of how He has saved me. First, from my sins and an eternity in hell by giving me His grace and mercy, by giving me the faith to believe in His promises and put my trust in Jesus Christ as my only true Lord and Savior, giving me His truth as found in the Bible, which tells me about His love for me and how that love was demonstrated by Christ, God in the flesh, who came and died for me, to pay the full price for my sins, and restore me to a right relationship with Himself. Then, from that attempted suicide, and from the many other times that I wanted to give up, God has never failed me, never abandoned me. He continues to give me His grace and mercy and love. He listens to me, strengthens me, guides me, and uses me, even though I am not worthy of Him. Praise God!
God has and continues to use passages like 2 Corinthians 12:7-10; 2 Corinthians 1:3-6; Isaiah 41:10; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:6-7, and many other Scriptures to encourage me and help me take the next step with Him, to focus on His absolute, objective, and undeniable truth that He sees me, hears me, and cares about me and all that I am dealing with. God showed up at my lowest point. And He still does. All I need to do is look, listen, and believe.
But why does He continue to allow me to still go through those times of trial, pain, suffering, and testing, which can feel overwhelming and endless? But they’re not.
God has a plan for each of us. Consider what He says to us through 2 Corinthians 1:3-6, “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.”
I went through and continue to struggle because God has a plan. That plan was, and is, to use my troubles to point people back to the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles. He redeems our sufferings and turns them for good in our lives, if only we trust Him and allow Him to do so. God saves us so that we can be used by Him to help others, pointing them to their true Savior, Jesus Christ.
God has a plan for you as well, to use your trials to help others, comforting them and assisting them so they can pay it forward and go on to help others. And during this process, He blesses you far above anything you can now realize. To transform you. God’s love for you and His truths are more powerful than your feelings. God is greater than anything we will ever face. But we have to look for Him and listen to Him and then act upon the truth and not upon our often temporary and misleading feelings that Satan uses to lie to us and to drive us away from God and His love and His truth, which can deliver us from our times of pain. Granted that to trust God during these times is not easy. But He promises to help us. The choice is ours.
Over the years, He has used my attempted suicide and my depression, and all my other struggles to help others who were in similar straits. Knowing this allows me to see my struggles in a new light. I now rejoice in the knowledge that God is and always will be at my side and that He will redeem my pain and use it for the benefit of others. This brings glory to God and points people to the God of all hope and eternal life, Jesus the Christ.
Maybe you have similar struggles to mine. Maybe yours are different, but you’re experiencing the same forms of anxiety, fear, and depression. The same or similar feelings of condemnation, inadequacy, and failure. Regardless of the source of your pain and suffering, you are not alone. God is with you. He sees, hears, and cares. He has given you people like me and many others who can empathize and sympathize with you, and who can come alongside you to help you find the proper assistance you need. God wants to use these people in your life to help you. Call out to Him. Don’t let Satan, the world, and even yourself defeat you. So, contact a trusted pastor, friend, neighbor, or health professional, preferably someone who is a fellow believer in Christ, and ask for help. Below are some emergency numbers that might be of assistance. God’s grace and peace fill you and help you.
911 – All Emergencies
988 – Mental Health & Suicide Hotline
Parkside Christian Church – Office – 513-231-9482
Parkside Christian Church Website – Care & Counseling Resources – https://parksidechristian.com/